Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
