I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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