how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
