I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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