i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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