just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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