Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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