Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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