Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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