There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
