Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
