its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
