1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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