Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize