if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
