operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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