If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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