He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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