Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
