The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
