chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize