I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You smell like stripper and shame
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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