he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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