I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
