Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
