I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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