Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
