It's like God shit irony all over that family
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize
