sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
