Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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