Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
