he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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