I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just tell him i said nine months
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
