do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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