Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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