What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
