im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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