Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
