He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I supernannyed him into submission
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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