I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
