I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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