i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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