Your dad touched me again.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
