Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize