Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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