Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
