TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
