he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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