she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i now understand why vodka
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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