nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
