I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize