How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
