glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
