I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
