im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize