i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
