I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I didn't notice because vodka
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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