After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
