You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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