they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
