I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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