This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
