last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
