Texts From Last Night

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  (641): View more from Iowa

  FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  STOP listening to that song

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  (641): FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER (1-641): STOP listening to that song http://tfl.nu/q2fx
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  (310): View more from California

  Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.

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  (310): Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces. http://tfl.nu/d897
  Replies (12) Good night (4453) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  and i looked up. we had an audience...

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  (920): and i looked up. we had an audience... http://tfl.nu/amn4
  Replies (16) Good night (4290) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

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  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (11113) Bad night (2089)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

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  (202): She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified. http://tfl.nu/adq0
  Replies (14) Good night (1367) Bad night (5379)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.

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  (765): I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot. http://tfl.nu/xw8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2877) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy

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  (416): Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy http://tfl.nu/lckr
  Replies (15) Good night (1648) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw

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  (608): It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw http://tfl.nu/lvr6
  Replies (10) Good night (3544) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.

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  (440): Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways. http://tfl.nu/jmoy
  Replies (3) Good night (2591) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad

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  (214): Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad http://tfl.nu/lcu6
  Replies (4) Good night (1529) Bad night (360)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Can I get that on a shirt

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  (205): No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her. (1-205): Can I get that on a shirt http://tfl.nu/a8yc
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.

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  (586): She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her. http://tfl.nu/tkh4
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (185)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts

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  (512): dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts http://tfl.nu/md3j
  Replies (2) Good night (459) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.

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  (216): I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches. http://tfl.nu/a2wa
  Replies (2) Good night (564) Bad night (195) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow

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  (760): Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow http://tfl.nu/8sxf
  Replies (2) Good night (359) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt

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