Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn