So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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