I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.