no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.