dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
