i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
