How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".