I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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