facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
