I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
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She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
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I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....