Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
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She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.