I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.