do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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