The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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